For the Hero
by Fate Defied
Summary: You should have won that battle, the one I told you that you shouldn't fight. Of course, I have questions for you now. -Set after For the Actor-


I thought your plan was going to succeed, Lexaeus, I truly did. Perhaps I should have planned it, or carried it out, for you always told me that my plans rarely failed. But, I knew that to be false. Even if I had devised this plan to obtain Riku to stop Marluxia's scheme, it would have had the same results: Riku fighting off his darkness, and you fading into oblivion. I knew the moment when you started fading, and I did the foolish thing of asking the questions I would never receive answers to. How could you fade? How could a child that teetered on the edge of darkness defeat one of the most powerful members of the Organization? I could almost hear you telling me that you did not need such praise, and I thought out my reply: "It is not praise, but fact."

Alas, I stood in this basement with your failed plan and your scent gone. Not even an hour ago, the roles had been reversed and you came up with that plan. It felt unusual to watch you plan it out when both you and I had been so accustomed to _my_ schemes. I wondered if this was how you felt when you watched me plan and think. You always trusted me to come up with a plan that would work, one that would make sure to include all possible variables with a high chance of success. You were always sure to point out any mistakes if you saw any, but you most often stayed quiet as I stood and schemed. You stayed quiet because you never felt the need to speak. You trusted me. I trusted you as well. Though, trust wasn't enough to make you win the fight that you should not have started.

Why did you not heed my words of not starting a fight? Both of us knew that Riku was a dangerous enemy, but you still fought him. Could you not overcome him through other means? Or, perhaps you thought you would not lose. Either way, I could have stopped this from happening. I could have gone to confront Riku instead. The plan might have had more success if I had gone instead, and the Organization would not have lost a valuable member. I could have been the one to persuade Riku just like I had persuaded our dear King in the past to build that laboratory all of those years ago.

But, I sent you instead so I would not sully my hands, left with your failed plan, Riku to deal with, and Sora ascending the castle. Larxene faded before you did. Axel came in and kindly told me that. Indeed, it was a bit _odd _for him to visit me in the basement. Almost directly after your scent faded, Axel came and found me. You had been right to suspect him before. Neither of us knew what he was thinking in the beginning, but as time gradually passed, I started to figure out the multiple threads at work in this very castle. Marluxia was not the only one planning betrayal of the Organization, but so was Axel alongside Saïx. Number Seven was the one who placed us all in this castle, and I found myself asking why many times over again, especially when Sora and Riku came to the castle. Marluxia and Larxene were obvious traitors to the Organization that needed to be disposed of, but Vexen, you, and I were not. Axel was a wildcard thrown in, and it took me until after Vexen was killed to figure out why.

Saïx sent Axel here to make sure that the traitors were taken care of, and to make sure the rest of us were disposed of as well. That was why he struck Vexen down. That was why he came to me and attempted to gain my trust. It seemed Marluxia was next on the list of members to go down- to think, this Organization once had thirteen members. We used to share a bond, but it is evident now that it shared far too many kinks. There was no question in my mind that Sora would defeat Marluxia, no matter how powerful he is. However, what he will do next will be interesting.

Your plan to use Riku won't be used after all. I did not need Riku anymore to control Marluxia's puppet. However, I now needed to figure out what to do with this nuisance. Again, had you not began a fight with him, or if I had turned Riku into our puppet, we would have been in a more advantageous position. The Superior would have gained another tool of use to help us build Kingdom Hearts. Unfortunately, you moved as you felt you needed to, and for that I was left alone. I could not blame you for that, even though you did not follow all of my instructions. You did what you thought would be in the best interest of the Organization. In the end, you and I were the most loyal members that stood in Castle Oblivion.

I had to think about what I wanted to do with Riku in the few seconds that Axel was there. I could not try and use Riku as my puppet now since there was no use for him. Sora was going to take care of Marluxia, and that was all I needed to know. However, Axel had something that I could possibly use to take care of Riku. He had the card to Sora and Riku's home, the place they had grown up together: Destiny Islands. My plan started coming together. I could use Destiny Islands to force Riku to see what he truly is, a being of darkness. I could show what he did to that island and that he was the reason he was without a home. I could destroy him without having to fight him. I could send him into oblivion.

Axel gave me what I needed and left, his only warning a reminder of who Riku was. He was the one that made you fade into oblivion. You might have told me I was being arrogant when I said that I would not need to fight Riku to end him. I had other ways. Was I putting too much pride in myself? Could I feasibly take care of Riku on my own and then... I am not even sure what is going to happen after Riku is disposed of. That would leave me in Castle Oblivion alone with Axel and Vexen's Replica. The Replica is unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but Axel's presence is something to consider. If I finish off Riku, what is to stop Axel from disposing of me? My death is already written in his plans. He needs me out of the way for Saïx's plan to work. I'm in his way.

I cannot remember ever feeling more vulnerable than now. Everything that could have gone wrong in Castle Oblivion did, and I could no longer try to control things through all of my thinking and scheming. You're no longer here to help me stop this madness that has become Organization XIII, or I should say Organization IX. Marluxia will pass shortly because of his arrogance. I cannot let the deaths go any further than that; they stop with Marluxia. I will take care of Riku and report this treachery to the Superior. Then, Axel and Saïx can be taken care of, and the Organization will rid itself of all kinks.

It won't be that easy. Everyone, including me, will ask why Axel and Saïx sought to betray. What made them carry out their actions? Was there a reason Saïx pretended to be the most loyal of us all when in reality, he sought to destroy us? I do not have those answers. I do not know his motives. I only know that Axel is obeying orders, and he will soon carry his last one out if I let him. I would almost rather head back to the World that Never Was now instead of prolong the inevitable, but it would be cowardly. You would never do that. You would finish what you began, no matter the consequences. I need to follow that example. It is the only thing I can do now.

Before I do, however, I must give a proper farewell to you. I need to see what happened on that floor that you faded away. I waited until Axel was gone for a couple of minutes before I left the room myself. I am not sure what compelled me to do this, but it felt necessary. It was only proper that I honored your sacrifice to the Organization as a loyal member. Reality was different than that though. You were more loyal to me than any other member of the Organization, and I still cannot fathom as to why that would be so. I still cannot understand why you trusted me as much as you did. I should have asked before I sent you off. Needless to say, it was not something that came to my mind.

It lingered as I arrived on the floor you battled Riku on. I could do nothing else but stand in awe. Large cracks surged through the floors like rivers, making it uneven. Your element was everywhere. Boulders, big and small, littered the room. Columns holding up the room were broken, the room almost caving in. The decorations on the walls were no longer aesthetically pleasing, instead shattered. On the ceiling, there was one singular imprint, which looked like a small body. It looked like it could have been Riku's shape, which only made me wonder how he survived this battle more. You tore this room apart with sheer force, and even that couldn't stop this _child_. He defeated you, killed you. How was it possible that a child who ran away from the darkness was able to defeat you? Tell me, Lexaeus. How did he do it?

I walked across the room and stood where you once did. You had to have stood here as you spoke to Riku, about to fight him. I no longer care that I told you not to fight him. I no longer care that you did not listen to my order. It was my order to send you to Riku that caused this, not your disobedience. No, perhaps it was not even disobedience. It was still loyalty. After all this time, you were still trying to protect me. Why though? Why did you feel the need to play the part of the hero? Why did you _always _have to play the part of the Hero? What made you want to protect me? I never asked that of you, and you know that.

"Lexaeus..."

I could almost feel some sort of emotion rising in me. No, that's false. Nobodies can feel nothing, but yet we can remember what it was like to feel. We can put on an act. That is what I do. Even though I am described as an intellectual with no room for emotion, I still pretend to feel them, pretending to know what it was like to feel before I lost my heart. In reality, I don't remember. I don't remember anger, or rage. I don't remember sadness, or depression. I don't remember joy, or ecstasy. You kept asking me if I was ever happy, and I could never tell you the answer. I never remembered what it was like to feel those emotions. I could not describe happiness to you. I still cannot tell you what it looks like. You told me I had happiness to look forward to when I obtain my heart, but I still do not understand. How would I know what it is if I have never felt it before?

Where are you when I need you to answer my useless questions? You left me with more questions than answers when you left. You walked into battle after asking me if I wanted to be _happy_, which was not an unusual question to ask for you. You always seemed so concerned about my happiness, even after I lost my heart. I never understood why you were. Why did you want me to be happy? Why was my happiness important? It should not have been, for we are Nobodies without hearts and cannot feel. But yet, you persisted with that question, even when I refused to answer you. You have your answer now, but your scent is gone.

A question still haunts me, one of the questions you left me with. Is happiness something I look forward to when I obtain my heart? Did you think I was going to know the answer to that, Lexaeus? I cannot recall what happiness resembles. It was far too long ago when I felt it last. I was a child then, remember? You would remember better than I ever could, for I hardly remember what childhood was like other than moments of extreme emotion, and then nothing at all. You were the only one to really see that I fluctuated in between days of the week. You were also the only one to see my fluctuation as a Nobody; you were always incredibly observant like that. You saw straight through my act every single time, and yet I persisted in an attempt to fool you, to fool myself perhaps.

Or, I'm attempting to prepare for when I do get a heart so I know what feelings resemble. That will be the new lie I'll tell myself for now; you know I'm an excellent liar. Tell me Lexaeus, why did you never lie? When we began the experiments, not once did you lie. You did not lie to Ansem about what we were doing, nor did you lie to any of us. You stayed silent instead, never speaking unless you had to. If Ansem had truly been wise as his name proclaimed, he should have asked you what was going on in the laboratory instead of me, the one he trusted the most. Though, would you have lied then? Would you have lied to protect what we were doing, to protect me from the repercussions of my own lies? It's another useless question, yes, but I still wonder.

I know I have to leave this floor soon, but I find that I do not want to. Riku can wait another few minutes while I ponder more. I have to figure out how I am going to do next now that Marluxia is no longer a threat. Obtaining Riku will do nothing for me or the Organization, and attempting to fight him straight on will result in my death. I do not need him to face Sora anymore- does he even know that Sora is in the castle? I suppose if he knew, he might be attempting to go after him; perhaps I should inform him about Sora. But after that, and after I give him Destiny Islands, then what? I need to get rid of him, and it cannot be the same way you attempted to reason with him. A fight has never served me well, and more often than not, they're pointless. There is always another way to handle situations such as this, always. I just need to find Riku's weak points and pick at them.

I should have thought of that sooner, much sooner than I did. His weak points are simple: his friends, and his fear of the darkness. With that in mind, and with the knowledge I have of his home, what happened between him and our Superior's Heartless, my trap is set. I know how to trap him and end this little game once and for all. Although, I should have thought of this much sooner. I should have thought of doing this before I sent you to take care of him. If I had added that to your plan, then perhaps we would have him now, and I would not be staring at the cracks in the floor that your element created. I would not be nearly trembling at the thought of what awaits me after I take care of Riku. Axel likely has a trap set for me as well that is just waiting to be sprung as soon as I leave Riku's Destiny Islands.

You were never afraid that something like this was going to happen to you, that someone had a plan to do away with you. Fear is not an emotion or a feeling- it is a survival instinct meant to keep someone alive. Right now, it is keeping me in this room, not letting me leave. It has glued my feet to the floor, my eyes as well as I keep staring where you once fought. You never knew fear, of course. You never had a reason to be afraid due to your strength. Even when we had hearts, you were not afraid of the outcome of our research while I sat and hid my fear. You were never afraid of what would happen if our research failed, or when Ansem tried to stop us. You simply never had a reason to fear, but why?

There's more than that as well. You asked me countless times if I was happy, or if I _would _be happy eventually, but now I turn the question onto you. Through all the time I spent with you as an apprentice, there was not a single moment where you smiled, laughed, or even showed emotion. You always bore that one face you had in your repertoire, your jaw set in a straight line and your eyes narrowed. It was meant to appear serious, and it was successful. There was never any emotion in your actions- you were only fulfilling your duty to Ansem at the time, or to Xehanort when the time came. And then, you fulfilled your duty to me with that same face. I suppose your element suited you- you never changed, and neither does the earth.

But _why_? What reason did you have for becoming a Nobody before you lost your heart? I never asked you if you were happy when we were apprentices, and I almost wish I had. I wonder how you would have answered, if you would have deflected just as I had before. It was either that, or you would be honest with me as you always were. For one reason or another, you were willing to talk to me more than the others, even more than the apprentices you knew longer. Would you have told me then if I had asked? You trusted me, which leads me to believe that you would. What about the question you asked before you left? Did you look forward to being happy when you obtained your heart? You told me that it was something to look forward to, and yet I wonder if you were telling me that to reassure me when you did not know yourself.

You were an actor too, then. You were an actor with a different role than me. I played the role of the Schemer while you played the role of the Hero. Does anyone truly know how you got that role other than me, the Silent Hero? That story was never told, not to anyone else but me. I don't even think Vexen knew that entire story, nor did he ever really need to. In the end, you filled that role more as a Nobody doing your duty to me than when you were an apprentice. When you were an apprentice, it was expected of you to play that role; you _were _a guard after all. As a Nobody, it was not expected. You did not need to play that role. You did anyway, acting alongside me and on my behalf. Did the Hero really need to sacrifice himself for the Schemer, though? Was it necessary?

In your mind, I can only guess that it was. Now, I need to stop dilly-dallying and deal with the task at hand. I can't stand here and attempt to have a conversation with someone who is no longer here. Before I go, though, I do have a final useless question or two that will go unanswered. What happens when you die as a Nobody? After we die here, will we be born again with hearts? Or, will we fade into nothingness, never to return to any sort of bodily existence again? I want to believe that after all of this, that after all of this time, that we would obtain our hearts. If you did, I expect a detailed report on this happiness, and what it is. You did seem to be an _authority_ on the matter.

I only ask because I know that nothing ever goes as planned, not in this castle. I may know Riku's weak points, and I may be able to take care of him, but I can never know for certain what will happen after that. I would like to think that I live after that, but I don't know for certain. Uncertainty does not fit well on me, though I have to settle for it. I will deal with Riku, and I will deal with whatever happens next in the best possible way that I can. I expect no less, and I know you wouldn't either. It will be odd acting as the Schemer when there is no Hero to play his role. It seemed so odd that a Hero would stand by a Schemer, and yet it wasn't. I cannot properly explain it, but these were the roles we were meant to play. They fit us. We could not fit into any other roles other than these.

Forgive me, Lexaeus, but the show must go on with you. It does not matter that you left early; it was only because I told you to. However, you can't expect me to find anyone to play your role for you. No one else can, and that's mere fact. I will not lie to you and say that I will attempt to figure out what happiness is, or if I will look forward to it when I obtain my heart. That's not something I need to worry about right now, is it? Right now, I have a pest that needs to be dealt with, one that you couldn't deal with. I think I'll be able to do away with him just fine.

I don't even warrant a farewell, do I? I suppose this one will have to do. Farewell, Lexaeus, and thank you.


End file.
